2/11

We started today normally. Devotional, breakfast.. I gave a little testimony/devotion in worship service. I talked about how God’s law used to seem mean to me, but that I realized He gave it to us to protect us. I told the story of how I used to have a scooter and the parents instructed me not to attach the dog to the scooter, but I did anyways and there were consequences. I was trying to illustrate how the law can be evidence of love, of God as a Father trying to protect His children. But then we still fail, so He sent Jesus to protect us from ourselves kind of.

We had two English lessons, and then in the afternoon there was an optional discussion time for the kids where they could go to a seminar to learn about sex, or they could go snowshoeing with a group of our guys, or they could just hang out with some of us. Steph and I ended up sitting around with a group of girls just talking and playing spoons and curling/straightening/blow-drying their hair. It was good to feel so connected to the girls, and since it’s rare to find someone who curls their hair here, getting that done was a real treat for them.

For dinner, we had tortilla soup. I didn’t realize that was unique to my part of the world, but most of them had never tried anything like it before, which is kind of fun.

Tonight was our Bodenseehof-lead “spiritual evening”. We had our worship team sing a few songs, then Britta gave a message in German and Josh gave his testimony with Johen translating. Josh had been talking about how powerful the spiritual warfare around him had been all day, and the night reflected that. After the speakers, one of the students, Luca, who’s really been on my heart all week, performed a rap he had written. It was in German, so I didn’t understand it at the time, but later someone explained that he accepted Christ yesterday and had received freedom from his drug addiction. He said that the longings he used to feel for drugs were now satisfied by Jesus. This morning, he learned that his girlfriend had gotten an abortion and that was really difficult for him. But he has decided to live his life from now on for Jesus.

After Luca, our team performed two skits and they were extremely powerful. At the end, Steph went up and prayed over everyone and invited kids to stay in the sanctuary if they were interested in talking to us or praying with someone. I was surprised by how many kids stayed. There were a lot of tears and also a lot of questions. One girl, Sarah, (the girl who I bought a shirt for and brought back with me from home. She has a disease, I’m not sure exactly what it is, but it has something to do with her food and her muscles and blood transfusions and it’s very painful.) was just sitting there by herself, so I went and sat with her. She’s not very talkative usually, so I just hugged her and prayed for her and then sat there for awhile rubbing her back. I asked her if she wanted to be alone, but she said I should stay. I think I probably sat there for a good half hour just rubbing her back. Finally, she turned to me and said, “I hate my sickness…I hate being in the hospital.” I asked her if it was hurting her and she nodded her head. I asked if she ever wondered why it had to be her to suffer through it and she quickly said no, but she said she was frustrated. We sat there for another 15 minutes or so before she looked at her watch and got up to leave. I gave her a hug and said goodnight. What do you say to a 15 year old girl who knows she will be in pain for the rest of her life?

When we had herded the kids into their rooms and the halls were relatively quiet, we had a quick debrief with our team, told some stories about the night, shared some prayer requests and prayed. After being so tired and still watching God work through us, I think we’ve all been filled with joy. But we’re still aware that we have an enemy and we prayed for God’s power against him now that so many walls have been broken down. I’m excited to see what tomorrow will bring.

2/10

Today we had another English lesson in the morning, and then workshops in the afternoon. Cara, Courtney and I attempted to make cookies with nine very shy, German-speaking girls, in a 6x6 foot kitchen. Similarly to the first attempt at American cookie-making at Annelie’s, we were slightly less than successful. To mix things up, we had decided to attempt wrapping chocolate chip cookie dough around Oreos and then baking them. Because German ingredients are so much different than American ones (and not because my baking skills are lacking whatsoever..), we ended up with a single chocolate chip pizza with Oreo lumps in it.

The girls were tentative at best when we sat them around the table, handed them forks, and set a steaming pan of slightly mushy cookie. (Speaking of which, mushy has a different meaning in German..we got some strange looks using it to describe cookies.) But when Cara and I took bites and lived through it, all the girls dug in and seemed to quite enjoy themselves...not that we would’ve known had they not enjoyed themselves. They weren’t a talkative bunch. It was fun though, and the time went by quickly.

After dinner, I was in a weird mood and needed to prepare for the devotion I’m giving tomorrow at the worship service. So instead of watching a movie with the kids, I ran upstairs, took a quick nap and grabbed a shower. After, I went down again and helped a little bit with lock-up.

One of the kids that was here last time, Daniel, a favorite because he’s friendly and fun to talk to, was having chest pains tonight. He turned pale and was hyperventilating on his bed. We found out later that it’s some sort of heart condition that he has, but it a sober reminder of how fragile life is. I don’t think any of us had realized just how important these kids have become to us, especially the ones who were here last time too. It’s amazing to think about how much of an impact we have the opportunity to make on their lives, even if we never end up seeing them again.

When we had prayed for Daniel, we were sitting around talking for awhile until the halls quieted down. I went down into the basement to fill up my water glass and was slightly spooked by the creepy empty hallway down there. I ran up the stairs in a mini-panic and told Caleb and James how scary it was, at which point they promptly headed down to check it out. With nothing better to do, I followed them. To add to the adrenaline, we left the lights off. The guys were clearly having fun with it, punching the air in front of them and kicking open doors vehemently. I was holding onto one or the other of them so as to avoid running face-first into a wall. Several times, one of us would run into the other and one person’s screams incited the other two to start freaking out as well. Needless to say, it was fun.

Until it got serious. A squeaking dinosaur screech echoed through the hallways. We froze. In the darkness, you could almost hear three spines shiver. Caleb held his water bottle overhead defensively. Silence. Apparently, we decided that the sound had come from the building..I’m not sure how that mental jump occurred, all I know is about five minutes later, there was another shriek followed by two manly screams and one very girly one and we all ended up covered in the water that was initially filling Caleb’s bottle. Simon struck a deathly blow on our pride in those terrifying moments.

Next, we walked back down another hallway that looked to me like an abandoned mental institution. It was creepily reflective, but not as scary cause it was lit. Unfortunately, Simon found a way around the lighting. He stood in the doorway behind us. Doesn’t sound scary, but add the serial killer horror movie head tilt and a psychopathic smile and you’ve created the perfect scenario for my next blood-curdling scream. I’m a wimp, but it was fun.

After our little Christian school haunted house experience, we watched Tangled. It was funny and I caught myself smiling cheesily as the lanterns floated over Eugene and Rapunzel singing in their boat on the perfect water. You know I like a movie when I remember characters’ names. Granted, Rapunzel was kinda a given, but still..

Afterwards, we trudged upstairs like zombies and Steph and I snuggled and talked about Prince Charming. It was cute. I’ve got a pretty awesome best friend.

2/9

Today Steph and I woke up early to go for a prayer walk. It was really, really cold. It was a cloudy morning, so not much of a sunrise, but still really pretty.

We talked about the example our team is setting for the kids, and wondered what it was that made so many want to come back again (about half the students here were here the last time). It’s interesting because we know that they want to be here, they’re excited to come and it’s not their parents making them come to learn English. Yet the ones who came back are often the ones who seemed like they didn’t have a good time the last time. It’s the rowdy, sometimes disrespectful ones who are back again.. We know there’s a certain draw because they get to spend time with North Americans, but to give up their break from school to come and learn more English? We concluded that it must just be the fact that there are people here who care about them and want to invest in them.

After praying for awhile, we walked back and made it just in time for our team’s morning devotion. Our leader, the school’s RA, left at 8 this morning, so we’re on our own this time. I’m excited about it though, I think we’ll do a good job. We had our little planning session, a devotion and prayer, then breakfast, followed by a worship time we lead with all the students. Two of us from Bode give our testimonies every day during this time and someone translates for us. I’ll speak in a couple days.

Next was our first English lesson, then lunch, then the second lesson. I’m in an intermediate class again, only this time I don’t have to lead it, which is a huge relief. My old roommate Amy is leading and she’s doing a great job keeping them busy and making it fun.

After the afternoon coffee break, I walked down into the town to buy some supplies for Courtney, Cara and my workshop tomorrow. We’re baking cookies. I listened to Mark Driscoll again as I walked and was going off of some pretty basic directions, so when I’d found the church I was looking for, I was trying to figure out which direction the graveyard that would lead me to the store was in and there was a car sitting there that I didn’t realize had people in it. I swear I must’ve been standing there for a good 25 seconds staring up at the church with a confused expression on my face, completely deaf cause of my ear buds, within three feet of this car. And when I caught sight of the people who were in the car staring at me, I jumped and screamed and then about died laughing at myself, it was great.

When I was done in the store, the sun was setting and it was gorgeous reflecting off the church windows. I dropped the ingredients off at Friolzheim and went back out to walk until the sermon was finished. He was speaking about the difference between biblically specific sins and sins of conscience, a huge issue in churches both legalistically and liberally. He touched on some really controversial issues that shouldn’t be controversial and clarified what our attitude should be toward things like alcohol, tattoos, smoking, and politics.

Here are pictures of the sunset.

I’ve been taking lots of walks recently because it’s the only way I can get some exercise. My knee’s really been bothering me for no particular reason, so I can’t run and this German food has various adverse affects on me as I transition from working out for two hours a day, five days a week, to just walking once in awhile =P Also though, I’m learning that I really do need time by myself, or at least with one or two people instead of a group. It helps me get back the energy I lose trying to engage with screaming kids, indoor games and camp songs, haha. It’s good to learn these things about myself now. Steph jokes about how much I’m going to hate my first few “get to know you” days as a college freshman.

After my walk, we had dinner and then it was time for our “Fun Night”. Our drama team prepared a couple funny skits and we played games and got the kids all riled up and then sent them to bed. I can hear music blasting and kids yelling through the walls still as I write this.

I just got back upstairs from watching Steph and Austin (a kid from Seattle) practice the dance they’re going to do for the next Crossing. I’m sure I’ll explain it in more detail later, but it was incredible and we had a nice conversation afterwards.

2/8

Today I woke up early and packed for English Camp. I woke up in a bad mood and wasn’t sure why, not that I was angry or mean, just not happy. We left school at 8:30 and poor Autumn cried seeing a group of twenty of us, most of her good friends from school, leaving for a week. It was cute and reminded me of what’s waiting for us at the end of the year when we’ll have to say goodbye. It will be the last time we see many of the people that we’ve been living with for six months. It won’t be long, and it’s sad, but also exciting.

Anyways..so I packed and it was too easy and quick and my backpack (actually, my Father’s travel backpack that he loaned me and I am very thankful for) didn’t seem full enough for a week, so I caught myself in a blank wall-stare on multiple occasions, trying to figure out what I was forgetting. I had to run upstairs for my fingernail clippers, but that’s all I could think of. I am therefore slightly impressed with my uncharacteristically advanced packing expertise. The next time I need to pack, I fully expect to regret being impressed with myself now, as I will likely procrastinate based on an exaggerated memory of my inexplicably instantaneous talent for it the last time. I enjoyed writing that sentence way too much.

We all got on the bus headed for Frieds to catch our train. The guy I invited to The Crossing was there again and we had another little chat. I’ve been well-trained to be wary of strange men, so when he apologized for not being there and asked if we could make another time, I was uncomfortable to say the least and told him I wasn’t going to meet with him. But he laughed at me and said of course not, he just wanted to see a program at Bode. I invited him to the next Crossing on the 23^rd and he said he’d make it.

At the train station, we had a half hour and Steph and I made reservations for the trains and buses we’ll be taking to and from Prague on the 14^th and the 17^th. She has two days left on her 2-person Eurail pass, and she’s being a fantastic best friend and letting me use that with her, so my transportation to Prague is costing me a total of 8 Euros.

The first train we took was from Frieds to Stuttgart, about a 2 hour trip. I sat by myself for the first half cause I knew I needed to work through my mysterious moodiness (That is some stunning accidental alliteration right there. Mrs. Canty would be proud.).

Here’s what I discovered: I was really bothered by the fact that I’d made the mistake with my Visa yesterday. I couldn’t figure out why it bothered me so much that a subconscious bad mood carried over even till today, and I was thinking about it and I realized it’s because I find my identity in the wrong place.

I spoke a couple weeks ago during a school sharing service about Romans 7, where it talks about how even now that we’ve been saved, we still sin, even though we hate doing it. It says in verse 20, “Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” And then in verses 22-23 it says “For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.”

So as I’m praying to Jesus all the time, just talking to Him about everything I’m doing and thinking, when I do something wrong, my reaction shouldn’t be just to feel bad and try harder. My reaction should be to talk to Jesus in repentance and say, “Well Jesus, of course I made a mistake! I’m a prisoner of sin. I’m not strong enough to resist that on my own. I’m going to keep trying, but will you please help me resist temptation in my life?” There is no guilt in this faith, and God’s love is unconditional.

In verses 24-25, Paul, this incredible historical man of God who played such a huge role in the spread of Christianity, says, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!” That’s the gospel! Why do churches miss that? Why is there this desperation to obey all the commands instead of a desire to obey in praise of the Savior who frees us from sin?!

Yeah, so basically, when I make a mistake, I don’t have to feel like I’ve failed anybody. When someone around me makes a mistake, I don’t have to feel disappointed in them. And when someone is harsh toward me for something they feel is a mistake, I don’t have to feel like my value or success has been diminished. Of course I should be sorry when I’ve done something wrong. And of course I should try to be better. But the way I view every person’s identity, including my own, is through God’s eyes. There is so much love in His eyes for people that no sacrifice was too great if it could bring them near to Him where they were created to be. Even those people killing His Son didn’t change that. That’s how I should love. That’s how I will learn to value people.

For the first time in my life, I have learned what it means to hurt for people who don’t have that. When I do, I feel close to God’s heart. I think that’s one of the most powerful evidences of love, when you love someone so much that you can hurt for them.

Alrighty..then I felt all better and wasn’t in a bad mood anymore, so I went over and sat with Steph and we ate and listened to music and I sorta love my best friend..maybe just a little bit.. When we got to Stuttgart, we had 20 minutes before we had to catch our next train. Since there’s no Starbucks anywhere near Bode, we got Starbucks in the station. Last time, not knowing there was one in the station, Annelie led us a half mile into the city to find it =P

We had a 30 minute train ride, then another 30 minute bus ride and a 10 minute walk up to Friolzheim English Camp. Steph, Britta and I had decided to be in a room together and Britta grabbed the only girls’ room on the second floor because she’s a darling and didn’t want us to have to walk up the extra stairs to the third. When we’d gotten a little bit settled, we went downstairs for a meeting before the kids came.

The kitchen had tables all set for us with cake, doughnuts, blueberry muffins, pastries and coffee. The coffee here is incredible. I haven’t had a muffin in months, so of course that’s what I went for and it met my expectations entirely. I don’t know why I’m writing this out I must be tired..

After the snack, Steph and Britta took a nap and I went for a walk and listened to Mark Driscoll on my ipod (something which I highly recommend you do. He’s a fantastic speaker and puts the Bible over personal opinion-something that’s rare). Several times, I burst out laughing at a joke he made and I can only imagine the impression I would have made had someone have been watching me. There’s snow covering the ground and the little town across the valley of farmland is so quaint and pretty. The pictures don’t capture it, but at least you can get an idea.

After my walk, the kids were starting to arrive. We had dinner, then Johen, the leader here, had organized a “get to know you” game. All the Bodenseehof students split up in two’s and spread out in all the meeting rooms here and the kids got separated into groups of 10 or so and came and asked us questions and answered questions. It was fun. I was with a kid named Peter who’s from Orange County and we had a nice conversation in between groups.

After this was free time til 11:30. I was really tired, so I took a shower and now I’m going to go to bed. 

2/7

Today I set my alarm to get up at 5:40 to run. Upon waking up, I realized that I had to give my devotion in front of the school before the first lecture today and therefore decided that my best bet would be to lay in bed and think about what I wanted to talk about.

An hour and a half later, I was rudely awoken by the bell ringer. Instead of going to breakfast, I sat in the bathroom with my laptop deciding what I wanted to talk about. All this week, I feel like I’ve been learning so many things and like there was so much I wanted to say, but I also realized that there’s a certain balance where at some point you just start talking to talk and I wanted it to be meaningful.

A trend I’ve seen recently among my peers here is to break the rules at school because it’s “really not that big of a deal”. And, really, it’s not. We’re not allowed to watch tv or movies and people do..we’re not allowed to drink and people do..but there’s nothing terrible going on. There’s no crazy partying, it’s just an overarching sense of “who cares?” I asked some people about it this week and realized that it wasn’t stemming from a blatant disregard for the rules for the most part. The truth is that students are realizing the truths of their faith, the things God is going to make them work through, and it becomes overwhelming. They turn to the TV, or to alcohol, or whatever else, just as a means of momentary escape. The problem is that as soon as that escape’s over, they just feel worse than they did to begin with. I do the same thing in other ways. So in my devotion I talked a little bit about perseverance, and about how rather than turning to something to numb us, we should turn to God and work through the issue.

The lecturer this week is talking about the Holy Spirit. It’s so good what he has to say, and he’s a really good speaker, but the thing is that I already know all the stuff he’s talking about. So unfortunately I don’t get quite as much out of it, but I know a lot of people really do, so I like it.

After lunch, I went for a run that quickly turned into a walk because the knee issue I’d been having during 1^st semester flared up again and it kills. It’s stuck around all day. Even just an hour ago, I was walking around my room and it just gave out and I fell. Granted, I landed on my bed, but still..

It’s all snowy outside, like a winter wonderland, I love it. I listened to Mark Driscoll talk about Christ’s sacrifice on my ipod and just looked around and enjoyed God’s beauty.

When I got back to Bode, I saw Steph walking into the staff building. I followed her in and Annelie (who’s not feeling good) and Marg were there, so we talked and hung out for awhile. Then Steph and I decided to go to Hopker. It’s about a twenty minute walk and we talked about the speaker and about social stuff and all that. When we got there, we ordered a piece of cake to share and each got a Milkschokolade, which is dipped out of Willie Wonka’s river. It’s ridiculous. It’s a cup of melted chocolate with the consistency of spit. And it’s delicious.

When we got back to Bode, I went upstairs to take a shower. Having gotten all ready, I turned on the shower only to find that it was freezing cold. I therefore re-dressed and read the first three chapters of The Panther, the book Uncle Ron sent me to read (thank you!!). It will be the first book that I’ve read for my own enjoyment since Sophomore year. I did all the math so I know how much I need to read every day to finish it on time for school to end.. I'll let you speculate on why I felt that necessary to do.

In night lectures, Derek Burnside talked about the Spiritual Gifts of Tongues and Prophecy. He speaks on potentially sensitive subjects with such patience and wisdom, it’s incredible and encouraging.

After lectures, I hopped online to discover a series of skype messages from my Father regarding three charges on my Visa for plane tickets to Ireland, where I’m going from here at the end of school. The issues are hopefully being resolved, but I feel really bad cause Dad has to make a bunch of phone calls and stuff:/

I finished off the night in Steph’s room. I read from the book Smith gave us, called “The Ransomed Heart” and everybody listened. It's an incredible book, every time I read it I want everybody I know to get to hear it too. Then we chatted a little and I went upstairs and got packed for English Camp tomorrow!!

Over all, it was a great day