2/8

Today I woke up early and packed for English Camp. I woke up in a bad mood and wasn’t sure why, not that I was angry or mean, just not happy. We left school at 8:30 and poor Autumn cried seeing a group of twenty of us, most of her good friends from school, leaving for a week. It was cute and reminded me of what’s waiting for us at the end of the year when we’ll have to say goodbye. It will be the last time we see many of the people that we’ve been living with for six months. It won’t be long, and it’s sad, but also exciting.

Anyways..so I packed and it was too easy and quick and my backpack (actually, my Father’s travel backpack that he loaned me and I am very thankful for) didn’t seem full enough for a week, so I caught myself in a blank wall-stare on multiple occasions, trying to figure out what I was forgetting. I had to run upstairs for my fingernail clippers, but that’s all I could think of. I am therefore slightly impressed with my uncharacteristically advanced packing expertise. The next time I need to pack, I fully expect to regret being impressed with myself now, as I will likely procrastinate based on an exaggerated memory of my inexplicably instantaneous talent for it the last time. I enjoyed writing that sentence way too much.

We all got on the bus headed for Frieds to catch our train. The guy I invited to The Crossing was there again and we had another little chat. I’ve been well-trained to be wary of strange men, so when he apologized for not being there and asked if we could make another time, I was uncomfortable to say the least and told him I wasn’t going to meet with him. But he laughed at me and said of course not, he just wanted to see a program at Bode. I invited him to the next Crossing on the 23^rd and he said he’d make it.

At the train station, we had a half hour and Steph and I made reservations for the trains and buses we’ll be taking to and from Prague on the 14^th and the 17^th. She has two days left on her 2-person Eurail pass, and she’s being a fantastic best friend and letting me use that with her, so my transportation to Prague is costing me a total of 8 Euros.

The first train we took was from Frieds to Stuttgart, about a 2 hour trip. I sat by myself for the first half cause I knew I needed to work through my mysterious moodiness (That is some stunning accidental alliteration right there. Mrs. Canty would be proud.).

Here’s what I discovered: I was really bothered by the fact that I’d made the mistake with my Visa yesterday. I couldn’t figure out why it bothered me so much that a subconscious bad mood carried over even till today, and I was thinking about it and I realized it’s because I find my identity in the wrong place.

I spoke a couple weeks ago during a school sharing service about Romans 7, where it talks about how even now that we’ve been saved, we still sin, even though we hate doing it. It says in verse 20, “Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” And then in verses 22-23 it says “For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.”

So as I’m praying to Jesus all the time, just talking to Him about everything I’m doing and thinking, when I do something wrong, my reaction shouldn’t be just to feel bad and try harder. My reaction should be to talk to Jesus in repentance and say, “Well Jesus, of course I made a mistake! I’m a prisoner of sin. I’m not strong enough to resist that on my own. I’m going to keep trying, but will you please help me resist temptation in my life?” There is no guilt in this faith, and God’s love is unconditional.

In verses 24-25, Paul, this incredible historical man of God who played such a huge role in the spread of Christianity, says, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!” That’s the gospel! Why do churches miss that? Why is there this desperation to obey all the commands instead of a desire to obey in praise of the Savior who frees us from sin?!

Yeah, so basically, when I make a mistake, I don’t have to feel like I’ve failed anybody. When someone around me makes a mistake, I don’t have to feel disappointed in them. And when someone is harsh toward me for something they feel is a mistake, I don’t have to feel like my value or success has been diminished. Of course I should be sorry when I’ve done something wrong. And of course I should try to be better. But the way I view every person’s identity, including my own, is through God’s eyes. There is so much love in His eyes for people that no sacrifice was too great if it could bring them near to Him where they were created to be. Even those people killing His Son didn’t change that. That’s how I should love. That’s how I will learn to value people.

For the first time in my life, I have learned what it means to hurt for people who don’t have that. When I do, I feel close to God’s heart. I think that’s one of the most powerful evidences of love, when you love someone so much that you can hurt for them.

Alrighty..then I felt all better and wasn’t in a bad mood anymore, so I went over and sat with Steph and we ate and listened to music and I sorta love my best friend..maybe just a little bit.. When we got to Stuttgart, we had 20 minutes before we had to catch our next train. Since there’s no Starbucks anywhere near Bode, we got Starbucks in the station. Last time, not knowing there was one in the station, Annelie led us a half mile into the city to find it =P

We had a 30 minute train ride, then another 30 minute bus ride and a 10 minute walk up to Friolzheim English Camp. Steph, Britta and I had decided to be in a room together and Britta grabbed the only girls’ room on the second floor because she’s a darling and didn’t want us to have to walk up the extra stairs to the third. When we’d gotten a little bit settled, we went downstairs for a meeting before the kids came.

The kitchen had tables all set for us with cake, doughnuts, blueberry muffins, pastries and coffee. The coffee here is incredible. I haven’t had a muffin in months, so of course that’s what I went for and it met my expectations entirely. I don’t know why I’m writing this out I must be tired..

After the snack, Steph and Britta took a nap and I went for a walk and listened to Mark Driscoll on my ipod (something which I highly recommend you do. He’s a fantastic speaker and puts the Bible over personal opinion-something that’s rare). Several times, I burst out laughing at a joke he made and I can only imagine the impression I would have made had someone have been watching me. There’s snow covering the ground and the little town across the valley of farmland is so quaint and pretty. The pictures don’t capture it, but at least you can get an idea.

After my walk, the kids were starting to arrive. We had dinner, then Johen, the leader here, had organized a “get to know you” game. All the Bodenseehof students split up in two’s and spread out in all the meeting rooms here and the kids got separated into groups of 10 or so and came and asked us questions and answered questions. It was fun. I was with a kid named Peter who’s from Orange County and we had a nice conversation in between groups.

After this was free time til 11:30. I was really tired, so I took a shower and now I’m going to go to bed.